Yes people, I have seen the film :). Went up to London last night with a really good friend of mine, who happens to be a student journo and jobbing freelancer, and we saw the press screening for Calcium Kid. I'm sorry to say I am going to give spoilers, just because I can't help myself, and there will also be a naughty word in here, but I can't think of another way to say it. I'll give a brief overview and then post again for those that want to read the spoilers.

The film is very funny, and very sweet. I've just read the Empire review and I really don't think that they are on the nose with that summary. What I liked about it is that it is heading towards cringeworthy but never actually makes it there. It is filmed like a fly on the wall thing, I knew obviously in advance that it was a Mockumentory, but the way it is done is really good. It has a feel of the things you see on the telly, with the characters talking too, or trying to avoid looking at, the camera. Yes there are a lot of charactures in there, but they suit the feel of the film and I don't think that they are cliched. On paper yes, but on screen they are well rounded and well acted.

Jimmy is SO sweet, he is just adorable. His character could have been sacarine and annoying, but Orlando played it brilliantly. You really felt for him all the way through. He was never over the top, even in the really silly comic moments, and it was down to Orlando's performance, because I felt that Jimmy could very easily have been annoying and OTT, just because of what he was like, but Orlando didn't play him like that at all. He is not the brightest spark in the box, but he is happy with his life and just really goes with the flow. He wants to be good at his job and have fun with his friends and he is just so simple and uncomplicated and sweet you just can't help but love him. And I am saying that not just about Orlando fans, but about everyone. No one will come out of the cinema without really liking Jimmy.

The other characters were all really funny, and while they were cliched they were in keeping with the film and it was handled well. I didn't feel that any of them were over the top in their performances. Like I said, they had that 'sideways looking at the camera, trying to 'not notice' it' thing going and it was really well done. Herbie, the manager was a complete prat, Stan was a bit of a free loafer, but had a good heart, Paddy, the trainer, was really off the wall but in a very Irish way - he seemed to have come from an episode of Father Ted, but wasn't as extravagent as those characters. Again it was this side of cringeworthy.

The film is not funny all the way through, it has a real heart to it. I felt that it was particularly good at showing the media and how it reacts and deals with up and coming stars, and the implications that can have on the person in questions real life. There were a good few moments were I felt sorry not just for Jimmy, but for Orlando, feeling that it must be very close on occasion to how he must feel.

The ending I felt was a little bit of a let down. It was really lovely up until the last minute, when they put something in to 'tie up the story' but it kind of felt rather sudden and out of place. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't the greatest ending it could have had. It kind of made you (or made me anyway) go 'oh... okay'. Not a criticism, but it was kind of, well let's just say you could tell it was men who had made it. ;)

Overall I felt the film was a really good way to spend an Hour-and-a-half. It was funny, moving, sweet and funny (yes two funny's - there were lots of points were the whole audience laughed out loud). It was also interesting to see a film shot in this way. There haven't been many films done in the Mockumentory way, and it really made it stand out as something a little bit different. You get to see the film maker at the beginning and he and the camera man are kind of 'characters you don't see', adding little bits here and there, conversing with the others occasionally. They make it really well rounded. It is a fun film that I can't see anyone coming out of without a smile on their face. It's not going to win any awards, but it's a good little film with plenty going for it.

SPOILER REVIEW

Right, now the blow by blow for those who can't wait to see it. I'll put the Fan Girl Moments (fgm) as well as the standard stuff,

The film starts with the film maker - Sebastian - doing a piece to camera. He's explaining how the film came about, that he started by following the British Middle Weight Champion, Pete Wright, as he was preparing to fight the World Champion Jose Mendes, but what he ended up with was far more interesting.

We then get introduced to Herbie, and realise that he is both a completely incompetant manager and an utter prat. They ask him about his role in the management of the sport of pugilism, and he says 'no, I'm a boxing promoter'. They then go down to the ring in his training establishment and we get to see Pete in action, knocking out a long line of waiting men. The last in the line, sitting looking very nervous - and rather tiny compared to the others - is Jimmy. He's never been in the ring before, only been training for a little while, Pete is told to practise his defense so Jimmy can hit him. For a little while he doesn't, he kind of cowers in the corner a bit, but the trainer is yelling for Jimmy to hit Pete so he does - and knocks him flying. Pete gets up and smacks Jimmy hard in the face, and breaks his hand. Getting to see that look they show on the trailer on the big screen... SO funny!

They then convince Jimmy to take over for Pete in the fight, because Herbie doesn't want to lose out and he doesn't have any decent fighters in his club. Not that Jimmy is decent by any stretch of the imagination. His reflexes are really slow to start with and he looks really rediculous boxing. Orlando did a great job of looking like someone who has never boxed before.

The next bit is hilarious. You see Jimmy, well, you see Jimmy's feet sticking out from under his bed covers [fgm] he's wearing socks and it is so cute! [/fgm]. The alarm clock goes off, Jimmy turns it off but stays under the covers. You see the covers wriggling around as he turns over from laying on his front to laying on his back and then.... he starts having a wank! It is just so funny. Sebastian coughs and says good morning and Jimmy stops abruptly and throws back the covers so you can see his head. He looks seriously embarrassed. Sebastian asks him how he starts his morning and he replies "well... as you can see... (long pause) I always start my morning with... 50 sit ups" and then he does a few starting to count at 43. It's a really funny moment.

You get to see that Jimmy's mum is a 'massage therapist' (nudge nudge wink wink) and that Jimmy obviously doesn't like this, but that he won't say anything bad about her. They go on his milk round and he says about how he got into boxing because he got beaten up by a bunch of kids, and that all he wants is to be the regional manager of Dairy Crest. It's a really long monologue, watching Jimmy as he delivers his milk, and you learn that he is both really caring about the people in this round, and that they really like him. [fgm]it's also great to have Orlando on his own on screen, talking to camera, for such a long time, you also get to see him do his 'drink a whole pint in one go' thing... it's much more impressive on the big screen. I am not sure that it is 'dairy' milk though [/fgm]

They then introduce Paddy, Jimmy's trainer. He is completely mad and the first 'interview' that he gives you see Jimmy in the background, his boxing boots laces tied together, wearing bin liners as he punches a punch bag. It was really well done I though because what Paddy is saying is rather banal so you can easily watch Jimmy without missing any thing important. When he falls forward and slides down the punch bag every one laughed, it was a classic comic moment.

The training techniques include Irish dancing - [fgm]yes ladies, you get to see Orlando dance! Well, attempt to. I couldn't work out (and neither could my mate) whether it was Orlando or Jimmy that had absolutely no rhythm. I have a sneaky suspicion it might be Orlando [/fgm]. When the sequence starts he is really energetic and bouncing around the ring, then the next scene is obviously several hours later, Jimmy is still in the ring, Paddy is talking to camera again and you see Jimmy collapsing, all wobbly legged behind him. Again a really funny moment well played by Orlando.

The first press conference the hold is done in the pub and Jimmy comes off really well. The papers - particularly the Sun - get totally behind him and he's all excited and nervous about it all. The entire neighbourhood love him and his picture is stuck up in shops and barbers, he's a real local hero. He goes into a local school to do a talk. First the kids all laugh at him because he takes off his jacket (his old teacher, still there, tells him to) and he has sweaty arm pits. He's left in the room with the kids and they are really roudy and rude, asking stupid questions. One of them then says that he has heard that Jimmy's head is so hard he can break planks on it. Jimmy says he doesn't know, because he has never tried. Cue Jimmy trying it. [fgm]Orlando's face as he does this is really classic, he is just so brilliant with his facial expressions[/fgm] he does succeed and the kids then love him (as they would!). He ends up handing out leaflets about milk and talking about how good it is rather than talking about boxing.

Jimmy gets a stalker, a complete munter who wants him to sign her knickers. [fgm]This was one of those 'I bet Orlando knows exactly how Jimmy feels' moments. It was really funny watching him, not knowing what to do with her pants![/fgm]

Then comes the second press conference, this time in a big hotel in London, and with Jose Mendes as well. Herbie has told Jimmy to do exactly what he tells him to and not to deviate from his path. Jimmy comes out to the strains of God Save The Queen dressed head to toe in Union Jacks, with a cigar and a pit bull terrior on a lead (the dog has a mind of it's own, very funny). He reads off the cards that Herbie gives him and comes off looking like a complete Fascist. The following morning you see Jimmy reading in the paper that he has lost the support of the press, and subsequently looses his job and the respect of everyone in the neighbourhood.

It gets really quite sad at the point. There are still funny moment, like when Jimmy gets followed around by a bunch of skin heads, but you really feel for him. You can tell that he is really a simple person, that he trusted Herbie completely and was totally taken for a ride. Losing his job was just really sad, because you know already how much he loved it. Suddenly the smile that he had stuck on his face for the first part of the film is gone, and he is really downhearted. He gets home to find is 'fangirl' in the kitchen having a chat with his mum. His little outburst at her is really spot on [fgm] and once again I felt I was almost seeing Orlando at this point, and not Jimmy. I really felt for him. The emotion in his voice and in his face and body language is just wonderful[/fgm]

He goes on National radio to try and put things right and it only makes it worse. They pick up on his mum being a 'massage therapist' and without listening to his protests - Jimmy is really quite shy and obviously not good and standing up for himself - they say that she is a prostetute. He gets home to find out that he has been thrown out and that his room has been rented out to the stalker girl. He ends up sleeping in Stan's lockup the night before the big fight.

On the day of the fight, not knowing what to do or who to turn to, Sebastian tells him that maybe he should go and see his dad - who is in prison for hitting one of Jimmy's mum's 'clients' over the head with a kettle. It is really obvious all the way through the film that Jimmy loves his dad to bits. He constantly quotes him, though the Wisdom of Clive Connolly is not quite on the same lines as Confucious. He gets the advice and help he needs from him and promptly goes to Herbie and sacks him as his manager.

Herbie then has to beg to be taken back - really funny seeing him do it, the whole audience was laughing - and Jimmy makes him promise that he will tell everyone the truth, that he is not a fascist and that none of that was his idea. He also makes Herbie get him his job back and donate a gym, in his fathers name, to the prison.

I'm not sure about posting the ending... simply because I don't know if people want me to give it away as much as that. So I thought I would post a few more little bits that you get to see, but from a fan girl perspective and not a what happens in the film perspective.

You do get to see Jimmy fight, so you do get to see Orlando wearing just the long shorts and boots. He is certainly buff, but you do notice how small he is, frame wise. He is certainly no boxer, and while he may have beefed up he still looks really skinny and sleak. There are a couple of very clear shots of the scar on his back that made me bite my lip in that 'poor baby' way. It's really huge, I noticed it more in this than when he showed it off on the Behind the Scenes LOTR thing. I know I am probably the only one interested, but I thought I would mention it anyway.

You get to see him cry. I wanted to hug him so badly at that point. I was actually fidgeting in my chair because of it. He gets really emotional and screams and shouts and then cries. It's just so adorable.

You get to see him being hurt, physically. I was wincing, I know it's only a film but you feel for Jimmy so much that you don't want to see him get hurt.

You get to see the beautiful smile come back at the end of the film. I don't think it is giving away too much to say that he comes out smelling of roses.